Break Even
by Akira Makoto
Summary: Kyouya is depressed after Haruhi leaves. WARNING! Character death! Please R&R anyway!


**_Hey everyone! So I heard this song on the radio and the first thing that popped into my head was "Omg! This sounds like a kyouya and haruhi fic! I have to write something to this!" It's pretty funny that I used to compare music to my own relationships and now I compare it to anime couples ^_^_**

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**I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,****  
****Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,****  
****'Coz I got time while she got freedom,****  
****'Coz when a heart breaks****  
****no it don't break even.**

Why can't I just die? Why won't this pain leave? I fall to my knees as soon as my bedroom door closes, my hand grasping at my chest. I scream.

"WHY!? WHY DID I HAVE TO FALL FOR HER? WHY DID YOU LET THAT BLONDE IDIOT TAKE HER FROM ME!? WHY GOD WHY?" I have never once in my life doubted that there was a supernatural being controlling us all from above, but why? Why does he have to be so heartless, so cruel, so—masochistic?! Dammit all he's even worse than me! Now that I've graduated from high school I have more time but at the same time so much less. But my mind wanders so far from my work—so much closer to her. She's got her freedom now—no one to control her actions—that's what she wanted. I suppose that she's gotten it. I swear I can feel my heart breaking, I've never in my life wanted to die so badly as I do now.

**  
****Her best days will be some of my worst,****  
****She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,****  
****While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,****  
****'Coz when a heart breaks****  
****no it don't break even, even no.**

I see her—from a distance. She looks so happy with him, she always looks happy with him, why shouldn't she? Why was I so stupid? I couldn't put my work to the side for just a few moments—I couldn't even set it aside long enough to tell her that I love her. She would always sit there beside me, waiting on me to finish, but I never did. So she left, to find someone who had time for her. . . Once in my car I begin to cry (thank God I'm driving myself today) as I speak to suffocating silence.

"I'm so sorry that I never told you that you were my entire life, that I never told you that you were perfect, beautiful, smart. I'm so sorry that I never told you how much you mean to me. . .and now I'll never have that chance."

This broken heart of mine will never heal—she's taken too many of the pieces with her—and yet she doesn't even notice. . .

**What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you****  
****What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok****  
****I'm falling to pieces****  
****I'm falling to pieces**

How am I supposed to make it through this half life of mine? Ever since I met you you've been the best part of me. You smoothed out my rough edges, warmed my cold exterior, melted my heart. Now here I am , choked up on my own tears at the very thought of you, I can only imagine what might happen if I was talking to you in person, yet you are always okay, even the day you told me you were leaving . There was nothing but the pure unwavering confidence of a mind made up. I'm slowly losing this fight, I'm always in so much pain; I never show it unless I'm alone, I can't let anyone know my weakness.

**They say bad things happen for a reason****  
****But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding****  
****'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving****  
****And when a heart breaks****  
****no it don't break even, even no.****  
**

I've been told that these things happen, maybe you just weren't meant to be. But I know what should have been, what was right—and I know that only one thing can stop this pain. I know you've moved on. I can see it in your eyes. My broken heart continues to bleed –I know how to stop it yet I'm afraid. My rational is going quickly, soon there will be no rationality left in this shell of a man. It can't last much longer, my strength is waning.

**You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,****  
****You took your suitcase, I took the blame.****  
****Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.****  
****'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name**

I can see that he is wrapped around your finger, myself as well, yet you are oblivious to both and feel no pain at my disappearance from your life. All of your things are gone, nothing left to remember you by except this silver band, the emerald set in it has lost all the brilliance it once held in my gaze. The guilt of what I've done lays heavy on my conscience . I've tried to figure out what little of my soul is left, to make sense of any of it but there is nothing left. Just a few lonely pieces. I have nothing left to my name.

**What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you****  
****What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok****  
****I'm falling to pieces**

I've figured out what I have to do—it's the only option left to me—no more will I be unable to see through my tears; no more will I feel this burning pain, or this the loneliness . I won't have to worry about these missing pieces. I sit down on the bathroom floor, her engagement ring sitting on the floor next to me, and a knife in my hands.

"Haruhi, I love you too much, I always have and always will."

I closed my eyes as I ran the knife across each of my wrists, cutting as deeply as I could. I felt my world going black, the last thing I see is her smiling face looking at me. Finally, no more pain, just Haruhi and Kyouya; no one else, just us still in love as much as we once were.

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**_OMG!!!! I cried the entire time I wrote this!!!!!! You have every right to murder me right now! I felt horrible writing this but there was something in me that just had to write it, I always write happy endings so I felt I needed a change. Please R&R even if you hated it, I live off of your reviews!!!_**


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